Midwestern Wanderlog

2016-08-22 – Self-sabotage?

The sunrise moved by two minutes today.  That hasn’t happened since the day mom and dad came out walking with me.  I reckon from here on out it will start moving faster and faster, until the days when it moves by two minutes outnumber the days where it moves by only one.

Sunrise Stats!
First light: 5:52 AM
Sunrise: 6:23 AM
Daylight: 14 hrs, 44 min

The sun has also visibly moved from where it was on the solstice – finally.  I’m sure it’s been moving right along, but it hasn’t looked or felt like it.

Potential self sabotage has been the theme of my thoughts for the last couple of days – when I’m not still dwelling on my part in Ted’s injury.  He’s fretting now about finances and schooling – he broke his wrist when he fell, and he needs two good hands to work the helicopter controls, and now he might fall behind even as he’s barely gotten started in his quest to become a commercial helicopter pilot.

There’s a part of me that’s wondering if he’s dealing with self-sabotage, too.

Because it seems as though every single time I actually set a specific day for specifically creating product and sending it out into the world, something interferes and I don’t get it done.  This can only happen so many times before you have to start asking yourself, “How much of this is caused subconsciously by me?”

That’s the crux of it, you see.  It may seem to be circumstance.  Or opportunities to do good for other people.  Or unrelated expressions of life.  But whatever the excuse that you tell yourself, believe me – it’s you.  You are the cause of your own delay in getting what you want done, done.

Of course, you are also the solution.  The question then becomes, how do you identify when you are self sabotaging, and how do you change the pattern of your thoughts so that you stop?

I’m still working on that part.

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